Someone need to realise I am not fine. Someone need to realise I am not as independent as I seems to be too. 😢

Waiting

So I am waiting for Prof to get back to me on my thesis, which I hope she'll reply me tmr if not I scared I won't have enough time to edit! T.T Nonetheless, I am just so so so glad that it is ending!! IN LESS THAN 3 DAYS TIME!! Finally. After 11 months. *sigh of relieve* haha!

While waiting, I have nothing much to do (or I just want to nua haha), so I re-watched some episodes of dokkebi! haha! I realized I cry even more or cry easier when I watched it the second time lol. Why do I like to make myself cry, so stupid! 

Anw, this close friend once commented that why he thinks I like korean dramas alot or why do I always feel so emotionally attached to dramas. Basically its because I don't have someone like those male leads in my life, so these romantic korean drama seems like a wonderful dream that I want to be in. He said I put myself in the shoes of those female leads and experience all the emotions the roles experienced, be it happy or sad. HOW MEAN. He said it in my face sobs. But I wasn't angry at all when he said that, instead I thought for awhile and told him: Yea! I think you are right eh!! HAHAHA.

도깨비

I just finished watching the final episode of this drama, live streaming w/o subtitles hahaha! Surprisingly I can understand maybe 10-20% of it? LOL years of experience watching kdrama and Korean 1 came to good use. 

It was a roller coster ride since episode 1 so while waiting for the subtitles to be out, I need to express my feelings somewhere tonight hahaha I guess writing them down here is the only way. I need to write my feelings down so that I can enjoy the sub-ed episodes later cus it is too painful to watch it with so many thoughts and feelings in my brain. Yea, I think by this point many people will be laughing at me for being so silly, for feeling so emotional over just a drama. HAHA! Even me laugh at myself too! But I can't help it lehh I often get emotionally attached to the dramas I watched :( I know there are just dramas and most of the storylines won't even happen in real life.. But I still can't help but put myself into the shoes of those characters and then yea.. I think I am a really sensitive and emotional person. I have a very low 'crying-point' too! Haha!

SO! LETS BEGIN! 

It is a really really really amazing drama. Why? I think you can google some reviews on it hahaha! Romance, fantasy, tragedy, horror, comedy, belief, fate. These are the words that popped out in my head when I was thinking how to describe the drama just now. All these elements in ONE drama, you can imagine how intense it was hahaha! There are many fantasy kdramas out there but none hits me so strongly like dokkebi. (Maybe its just because GY and LDW are my type HAHAHA SHHHH) But honestly I love the story ALOT too! I love how the writer dropped questions along the way and how the whole story unfold beautifully when it reached the climax. So.. the writer kinda finished telling the main story at episode 13. Where KS's sword was pulled out and he used it to kill the evil spirit, completed the mission that he can't complete previously and protected the ones he loves, his bride and his sister. And he returned to ashes. I once said that I don't mind if the drama just ends here. Although its like a bad and sad ending but it feels complete. Everything falls back to their own places. 

But after ep 13 there are 3 more episodes left. I anticipated a lot and curious what else could they show since the whole story have been told already.. I thought it will just be some typical cheesy scenes, leading to a typical kdrama finale. BUT NO! It was more and more plot twists! KS died then everybody lost their memories, then ET grew up then KS came back then ET got back her memories then they get married then ET died then KS waited for 30 yrs then ET reincarnated and come back. So many things happened within such a short time frame. My heart really cannot take it already hahaha! The last 3 episodes became less enjoyable for me because I am constantly anticipating a plot twist. Even when they showed a really sweet and happy scene, I can't seem to enjoy too cause I knew something bad will happen after that. SO throughout that 3 episodes, it was happy scenes then sad scenes then happy then sad then happy then sad then happy then sad then happy then sad then happy then sad. Then happy. Then sad again. You know how tired it is now?! HAHA!

I almost flip my table just now when the drama ended hahaha cus I feel so confused over the ending! T.T Usually you will feel satisfied after finished watching a drama right but I feel like I was left hanging at the ending there, wanting more and trying to figure out what was the ending supposed to mean! *CRIES* SO YOU HAVE THIS COUPLE A AND B. A DIED. BUT LATER COME BACK ALIVE. THEN NOW B DIED. What is the point right!!! Might as well just end the drama in 13 episodes instead of 16? Why torture the characters and stab the audiences twice -.- But after reading some comments on how other people think of the ending, I actually feel better now. Kinda understand what the writer trying to tell. 

So if it ends at episode 13, it would be a bad ending cus neither the lead or second lead couples get together. The ending now is that the second lead couples reincarnated, became 'proper' human, met in their next life, fall in love and happily ever after. Definitely a happy ending for them, like most human being, found the love of their life and grow old together. They have such tragic past lives and I couldn't be happier to see that they can finally love each other properly now, even just for 1 life (in the drama it is believed that each person has 4 lives), its enough. And the ending for the lead couples now is that ET reincarnated, found KS in her next life. "I found you. Do you rmb who I am?" "My first and last bride." THEN THE DRAMA JUST ENDED HERE!! T.T So poor KS waited 30 years for her bride to reincarnate and find him... I supposed they will get together this life? and then when the mortal ET dies again this life, the immortal KS have to wait another 30 years or 100 years or 200 years for her to reincarnate and find him again?! Good thing is that they can still do this for another 3 lives? cus ET still has 3 more lives. and provided that ET manage to find him in every life?? Now the sad thing is that KS is all alone in this world (again) seeing everyone he loves die one by one (again), over and over and over again!! And there is nothing he can do while waiting for his bride to return other than just wait. He won't know how long it will takes, he can only wait.. All alone. T.T Then after 3 lives? Not like he can commit suicide thou? He is immortal.. Maybe he will find a new bride hahahah. Okay. I am thinking too much here. Well, I shouldn't be so greedy right! Even if they can only be together for 1 life, its enough already! Cus most human also only get to live once (I SUPPOSED HAHA). They got another 3 lives somemore lehh. I am saying this because I want to make myself feel better. Hais.. Now the drama title make sense, the lonely god. REALLY LONELY SIA OMG. POOR DOKKEBI :( 

I know its only a drama, a fantasy drama but do you think that kind of true love exist in real life? That kind of true love whereby you are willing to meet them again in your next life (if have) and fall in love with them again? Although I haven't met one, I want to believe they do exist. 

ANW! Although the drama makes me feel so miserable and emotional, I still love it! T.T It was one of the best kdrama I've watched! TOP 3!! Okay, the subtitles is out. I am feeling much better now I think I can handle this. HAHAHA! Last word, THANK YOU DOKKEBI! For brighten up my Dec and Jan and my super dreadful fyp life.. :') 💕💕

 

 

Friday the 13th

I never believed in Friday the 13th because nothing bad had happened to me before on this particular day BUT today. Its really a black Friday.

MY CELLS DIED!! T.T I cultured them for almost a month already and waiting for them to grow better for my experiments!! Now what. I am running out of time and they choose to end their lives now?! WHYYYYY *CRY A RIVER* All my time and effort spent taking care of them, even during Christmas and New Year, is gone. Its all gone.. And did I mentioned that I would need at least 2 weeks to re-culture them?! OH MY. SOMEONE PLEASE HOLD ME. 

DECEMBER～

大家，圣诞节快乐！！我依稀还记得去年的圣诞节，因为一些事情，所以我一整个12月的心情都不是很好。可是相反的，今年的12月，我却感受到了很多的爱。朋友们的爱，家人的爱。我发现12月的确是一个让人能够放松心情的一个月份！（心情轻松到 thesis draft 碰都还没碰 T.T）身边很多人都陆陆续续地到国外旅行，回国后还不忘为我带来手信和分享他们在国外的趣事。因为是学校假期，大家都比较有空，所以也和很多群不常见面的朋友约出来，见见面，聊聊天，确保这些友谊不会被忽略掉！当然，钱也花了不少。。也因为不用上课，最近去shop了不少！等学校开课就没时间去买新衣过年啦！哈哈！对一年才shopping一次的我，可以买到自己很喜欢很喜欢的衣服，当然觉得很幸福！圣诞节当然少不了交换礼物咯！所以今年交换了两份礼物，还很惊喜地收到了一些圣诞卡片！还有还有！昨天我还去探望了我很想念的狗狗，尤其是 Bui Bui！这些小小的事情累积起来，足以让我在这几个星期来，每一天都感到温馨和幸福！（当然也有其中几天不知道为什么，心情会超级低落，我觉得是荷尔蒙的错，哈哈！）

今天是圣诞节！原本打算宅在家，可是姑姑说要出门买新衣所以就陪她去咯！还和二哥碰面一起吃了顿超好吃的晚餐！虽然只是在附近coffeeshop吃的，可是那里的食物也太好吃了吧！超有家乡味的！很感恩！回到家，刷刷面书，看到了朋友们幸福的模样。有的去参加婚礼，有的和家人们一起庆祝，更多的是和男／女朋友嗮恩爱 （闪到我了好吗 哈哈）而有的则第一次公开恋情！还有一位更是宣布她平安夜知道自己怀孕了！！！太感动了吧！我也想要哭了！不知不觉，我一边刷，一边在对着手机微笑呢！

我想，我慢慢地喜欢上了圣诞节🎄！以前会蛮讨厌圣诞节的，因为会一直想说，圣诞节又怎样呢？还不是要一个人过。以前会很喜欢幻想和自己喜欢的人过一个白色圣诞！（现在也很想 好不好！哈哈）可是愿望一直都没有实现。今年，我很感谢自己的想法改变了。没有再对这些事情耿耿于怀。想的更多的是最近发生的所有好的事情，或者想，要和哪些朋友见面呢？要买什么礼物呢？开始会觉得圣诞节是一个让人与人亲近的好机会，是一个开心的节日，是一个‘给的季节’，是一个让人感觉施比受更有福的季节。我也很惊讶自己的改变。虽然今天或多或少还是会感到一点点寂寞，可是感觉不那么强烈，因为正能量超高的！不错嘛 敏儿，这样过活不是很好吗！真的希望自己能够时时刻刻都抱着这种感恩的心态。希望每一天正能量都能打赢负能量！也希望自己能够对自己好一点，爱惜自己多一点！加油！❤️

Comeback

This is Mun Ee's comeback after 2 years plus!! *insert shock face emoji* Hahaha! I am here simply because I suddenly remembered I had this blog ytd night. I think since Instagram, Snapchat all those social medias gained popularity, I have been sharing a lot of my stories over there instead of 'blog' because I am not someone who blog a lot to begin with haha! 

Well, uni life is busy, busy and busy. So time really flies. I am graduating in less than 5 months time! Can you believe it?! Its definitely a bittersweet feeling. Will write more on it when I have the time! Now, I am gna quickly pack my stuff and leave lab! BYE~

PS: I am skipping lab tmr cus bosses are not around and I don't have experiment to do tmr! YAY!

好累...

Woah it have been almost a year since I last blogged?! Implying that my life for the past one year was really very very boring. =.= Indeed, uni life is tough and boring. Honestly I do not have time to join any CCA.. And for this sem I decided to work part time so 24 hours a day really not enough at all!! T.T Or I am really sucks at time management.

Just came back from hometown last week after cny celebration and it is normal that I am still suffering from homesick. Came across this article yesterday and it totally describe what is in my mind. I feel like crying while reading it on the train and I couldn't help but to read it few more times. I believe all the foreign students will have the same feeling as me. Actually what bothers me the most is the financial difficulties me and my family undergoing now. I feel like I am the one who should be blamed because of my selfish decision to study overseas.. I hope we can pass all these obstacles soon and I will not forget how much my parents sacrifices for me. 

Feeling sick right now but NO. U CAN'T FALL SICK!! Stay strong and must study hard MUN EE!!

Btw this is the article I talking about.

http://mp.weixin.qq.com/s?__biz=MjM5MTA3OTYwMA%3D%3D&mid=200010616&idx=1&sn=25728322b8bcb969827d903da345398d&scene=2&from=timeline&isappinstalled=0#rd

献给所有留学在外的我们

其实我们都是英雄

你是不是也在手里攥着飞往国外的机票跟护照的时候强忍着内心的最真实的情绪,不敢去抱一下含着眼泪的妈妈,反而笑着对家人说,放心吧,我可以的,然后一个人推着行李头也不回的走进去.

你是不是也因为一个人独自刚到国外,而一个人忍受着思念,孤单.每天都在跟国内的朋友们聊QQ,你突然发现那些在国内的日子那么精彩,而现在却显得那么的苍白.一个人上学,吃饭,买菜,逛街.一个人租房子,搬家,办保险,递签证的材料.用一种不是自己母语的语言努力的去讲.在看到国内的朋友在QQ上问你,最近怎么样的时候,突然不知道该怎么样回答,你好吗,好像不是那么好,你不好吗,可你真的很好吗,因为你我都不知道该怎么样解释才能被对方消化.

你是不是也开始算计起了生活,去超市买的东西都是挑最便宜的买,因为要花钱的地方很多,房租,水电费,电话费,偶尔还想去下个馆子或者给自己买件新衣服.

你的周围是不是也开始行走着各种各样的人,白的,黑色,棕的.生活里,课堂上,都能体现出文化的差异,从之前的争论,辩解,到现在的忍气吞声.

你是不是也因为熬夜写作业,赶论文,而在打工回家的路上睡过头而走路回家.被打工的店里的老板骂却也只能保持微笑.手就算被烫伤也只能用冰敷着熬到晚上回家一个人涂药.

你是不是也见惯了各种各样的分手的异地恋.主角可能是你,也可能是你的朋友,你想爱一个人,也想被一个人爱.可是看到周围都充斥着二三流的小暧昧时候,你又望而却步了.

你是不是周围也有这样的,她们不再是来时的模样,不再素颜,不再穿着平底鞋,不再留着黑色的直发,不再背着双肩的书包.那些家里有钱的可以每天不打工,可以买很多的名牌,可以整天泡夜店.可是你在心里告诉自己,不要忘记了自己的初衷,不要丢失了那个最真实的自己.

你是不是也发现出国后,发现能够一起玩的人很多,但是交心的却很少.这里的友情能承受住平淡,却承受不了风雨.被那些流言蜚语击中的时候却百口莫辩,一个人背井离乡的遭受各种人情冷暖，接受各种世故做作的所谓的“友情”.

你是不是也因为很多困难,一个人哭过,挣扎过,压力大的快疯掉.这时候,你就当做是上天给自己成长的一个机会,不管什么困难,当你迈过,却发现是那么的简单,你会庆幸当初自己的坚持是对的.你是不是也在生病或者受伤的时候,强忍着不告诉爸妈 ,只为了让海的那边的他们安心，自己一个人吃药,躲在被子里.每次看到从国内打来的电话都会怕,你害怕是不是家里发生了什么事情,知道年迈的爷爷奶奶生病的消息,却只能一个人在房间哭.因为你无能为力.

你是不是也开始不按时吃饭,每天都习惯了吃泡面,或者是便当.偶尔自己做了一次菜,可是却怎么也做不出在家里妈妈做的饭菜的味道,你开始想家,想吃妈妈做的糖醋排骨,红烧肉.特别是在外面吃饭时,看到邻座一家人围在一起热闹的吃饭,这种情绪变的尤其强烈.

你是不是也因为学校跟春节赶到一起,而不能回国,这时候,你是不是总在在幻想着家人们坐在一起吃着瓜子,围着电视前等着看春晚,外面传来鞭炮声,手机开始一条条的接受到那些拜年信息的那些场景

你是不是也在某次回国,当别人问你什么时候开学的时候,你会不自觉的说什么什么时候回哪儿哪儿,而不是当初说的去哪儿哪儿.你突然清醒,原来你是在那儿不是要待一周,也不是一年,你是在那儿生活,到底还要多久,也许连你都不知道,这个时候,突然分不清自己到底是归人还是过客.

你是不是也在傍晚一个人散步,耳机里听着自己喜欢的音乐,看着周围似熟悉似陌生的街景,跟天色渐渐的变暗亮起暖黄色的路灯的时候,自己的心突然就沉沦了下去. 

我们其实才刚刚二十出头,有的人甚至更小,我们可以跟父母家人撒娇,可以告诉他们我们所承受的一切,可是,我们不能这样做,不管这条路是不是我们自己选择的,可是既然踏上了,我们就要不顾一切的去承受并解决在这条路上遇到的阻碍.为了父母家人的期望,为了自己的梦想,乐观微笑的继续坚持下去.

某天清晨,突然的醒来,看着镜子里的自己,多么希望那些记忆就像是自己虚构的一样, 厨房里传来妈妈炒菜的声音并不停的大声的喊你起床,你蒙着被子说,再让我睡一会儿,电视机里传来早间新闻的那个主播的声音,阳光透着窗帘照进了房间.

多么希望这一切都是场梦.……